I'm So Weak

My inspiration for this poem came from Beau Sia's "I'm So Deep"

I'm so weak that I can't do 5 straight push ups
I'm so weak that any girl in this audience can probably beat me in arm wrestling
I'm so weak that I have to take a breather after eating
I'm so weak that walking to the bus stop gets me drenched in sweat
I'm so weak because of well... my broken leg
I'm so weak that I'm using my leg as an excuse
I'm so weak that traveling around this city is exhausting
I'm so weak that I give up on a project before I even start
I'm so weak that I lose all focus or thoughts of school as soon as I leave the building
I'm so weak that I rely on friends to decide where I want to go
I'm so weak that I took the easy way out of finishing high school
I'm so weak that I give in to an impulse merely because I have enough cash
I'm so weak that I don't stand up for myself
I'm so weak that I use poetry to voice my thoughts
I'm so weak that I'm probably trembling in the inside
I'm so weak that I take even compliments as insults
I'm so weak that I'll probably rush off stage after I'm done
I'm so weak that I realize my own faults but don't do anything about them
I'm so weak that this poem is merely a variation of I'm So Deep
I'm so weak that I couldn't think of a proper ending to this poem

And there you have it, I'll probably add more to it once I think of more stuff.

Beau Sia

Simply put, I love this guy and I wouldn't say he's inspired any of my works but he inspires me to keep going at poetry and try and diversify my work.

M-PaoWord Poetry

I Feel Like A Toilet

You say I'm a nice guy,
But to you, I'm just a toilet,
You say you like listening to my advice,
But really, you're just here to dump your shit,
Just being honest here, but really,
Other than that you have no need for me,
But when that time comes,
All you do is come to dump shit, that or pee,
Because when all you do is tell me your problems
It feels like you're just pissing all over my life,
Placing all your troubles before mine,
It's not like I'm not going through pain or strife,
But that's what a self-centered person does,
And what you deem me, a selfless person, doesn't do,
I'm like, "Hey what's up? How are you doing?",
And you're like, "Oh hey, nothing much. Just here to poo",
I'd like to say I deserve more than that,
Because one day you're going to end up clogging me up,
You'll be bitching and whining about what to do,
And I will take great pleasure in telling you, "Shut the fuck up",

The End

A new poem I wrote DURING poetry slam last night. It was such an amazing experience and it got me to write on the spot. It is kind of rough but I hope you enjoy.

What is age? What is age?
It is nothing but a chronological stage,
And just so you know I'm 19,
But what does that really mean?
I really don't know you see,
Throughout my life I've just been me,
You see, I like to act like a child,
It gives some spice to a life that is otherwise mild,
It adds a smile to my day,
Which is more than I can say,
About friends who say they're mature,
But what does it mean to be mature?
I've been given the assumption it's to take responsibility,
But whenever I see criminals go on trial all I hear is, "Not Guilty",
I know it's innocent until proven guilty,
But in my eyes all criminals are cowards to me,
But enough on that before you think I think criminals are fearful pricks,
In reality they really are no better than quarreling kids,
No offense,
I'm just sitting here on a fence,
Observing the world before my eyes,
Taking in what are the truths and picking through the lies,
But back to being a child,
Where my problems don't stack into a pile

*New Update* Finally have something to write... well sorta

So I sorta have a new poem that I've written. It's nothing too special I think, but hopefully those who read it, enjoy it. Have not title yet.

I build things up,
Just to know it'll fall apart,
I close my eyes shut,
And listen to the beat of my heart,
It begins to slow,
As the poison takes effect,
I begin to feel cold,
As reality begins to set,
I took it without regard,
Thinking I could endure,
Too high I set the bar,
Because I felt so sure,
I now lie and wait,
For the cold to take me away.
Here in this state.
I have nothing left to say

The End

Quick Post

So I just stumbled upon an earlier poem. Looking back on it the poem was kind of an experiment into a different style. I didn't really like it much but I'll share it anyways.

Even Though

Even though...
You don't have feelings for me,
I'll be there for you,
Even though...
You and me will never be,
I'll be there for you,
Even though...
You'll always chase after another guy,
I'll be there for you,
Even though...
All they ever do is make you cry,
I'll be there for you,
Even though...
You're despised and hated,
I'll be there for you,
Even though...
You're ridiculed and humiliated,
I'll be there for you,
Because none of that matters,
Because I'll always love you...

The End

And there you have it, hopefully you enjoyed it. If not well then the feelings mutual because I didn't like it much either.

2 New short poems to add

Days of Surrender

There was a feeling inside us so tender,
Memories rise, causing us to remember,
Those days we chose to surrender,
Hearts to those of the opposite gender,
So surely we held happiness in our grasp,
So surely we felt we were up to the task,
Days of sadness and despair were merely a mask,
As we stood here with bated breath withholding a gasp,
For many days we stood strong,
Feeling these days would go on and on,
Any negative feelings simply didn't belong,
But those days of Surrender are now long and gone,

The End

&

Fulfilling Love

When worst comes to worst,
It's you I turn to first,
Your love quenches my thirst,
Causing my heart to feel like it will burst,
There are no bounds to what you do,
Your words will forever ring true,
Their depth deeper than the sea so blue,
And who I want to be with is you,

The End

Just another poetry entry

Time

Time passes me by,
As I just sit here and lie,
Quiet and still as I try,
To write down whats on my mind,
I just don't know anymore,
Ahead are just closing doors,
Running towards them my legs feel sore,
Short on time with few options to explore,
Short on time to look back,
Time running out, mind losing track,
Not an observation, just a simple fact,
Of matters concerning my life that seem to detract,
Any feelings of happiness to be felt,
Walls of ice around my heart refuse to melt,
Enclosing myself further into this shell,
Thinking to myself, "I might as well,
Just give up on myself as I am nothing,
Simply put I am nothing,
Never have been anything,
Never will be anything",
Yet within those depressing lines,
There will be people that will find,
This is just a simple impulse of the mind,
And will tell me the sun really does shine,
Whether the words become true,
There is a power in words and what they can do,
Whether they be lies I can see through,
Or a blind truth I'm unable to see from you,

The End

- Paolo Miguel Maquiraya 10/03/09

Short Entry - New Poem

Work At It

I'm not the greatest guy,
I come off as quiet and shy,
But talking to you helps me get by,
That's just the simple truth, no lie,
Right now I'm just weak,
With an outlook that is bleak,
But I'm trying to turn the cheek,
To that brighter day I seek,
So I let these words set sail,
On these waters that is my tale,
And although I may fail,
Or just give up and bail,
And though I'm dense and clumsy,
That's just me,
My fallible personality,
And that's who you'll see,
But I'll try to work at it,
Starting bit by bit,
And though I may stumble upon pits,
You're that person that makes it worth it,

The End

- Paolo Miguel Maquiraya 01/03/09

Just in an Apologetic mood

Apologies

Whether you see it as truth or lies,
I just want you to realize,
The words here are just to summarize,
All my regrets as I begin to apologize,
There's no amount of words I can say,
That'll make those past troubles seem okay,
As I look for a brighter day,
And try to find my way,
Back to being your friend,
Cause this is not where I want this to end,
And I just don't want to pretend,
That this friendship didn't break but bend,
So I send you this apology,
Meant for you, not about me,
And then maybe you'll see,
That I'm just really sorry,

The End

I want to be your friend again...

This is a rare poem for me since I actually wrote this with someone in mind.

Just a quick entry

First Glance

From that first glance,
I felt like taking a chance,
To try and be your one and only,
To be the one to never make you feel lonely,
But I'm left scared,
To have even dared,
That I could be the one,
So I quit before anything is even done,

The End

So this is just a short poem I came up with to sum up how I usually feel when I meet a cute girl.

New Poems

Just an update on a few new poems I've written.

The Pledge

Fantasy or reality,

Things lost in my sanity,

Because there's something blinding my eyes,

Whether it be truth or lies,

It has taken on this name called love,

And it's something I know nothing of,

But it's something I've never felt before,

Like something that's been hidden behind a door,

But now there's someone in my life,

Someone there to be with me through strife,

To support me and keep me strong,

No matter what comes along,

And though I know not how long this will last,

And if it will be another regret in my past,

I will say this on this day,

I love you and I have nothing more to say.

The End

Inspired by Wall-E's desire to hold hands with Eve.

Holding Hands

I just want to hold your hand,

And maybe then I'll understand,

What it takes to be your man,

Just by being here offering what I can,

Though I know there's not much I can offer,

And sometimes I think I could be a bother,

All I can promise is that I'll be there,

So that you know that I do care,

And by holding your hand,

Maybe you'll come to understand,

That I'm not just another man,

That relationships are possible if you believe the words "Yes We Can".

The End

- Paolo Maquiraya 16/02/09

I know, the last one has an Obama reference in it. Yes, it does sound stupid but I thought it would have been fun to end it off like that.

Follow Up

Just as a follow up to my first blog here I have for all of you a batch of poems I wrote a few years back (all unedited and in their original form). Looking back now at all of my work (about 21 poems or so, not a lot), there are a lot of re-used/re-occurring ideas and themes. Whether you would like to say I'm unoriginal or that I'm not as creative I really don't mind. I know it myself and even though I feel like expanding on what I write about I just love to go back to my old ideas and try to write about them in different situations. Well enough of my self-bashing? (I'm pretty sure I just bashed myself but oh well) here to you I present the second poem I wrote.

Leaving Me

You left without a goodbye,
But the again you appeared to me without a hi,
At first glance you weren't special to me,
As time went by you became more than I thought you to be,
It was strange how we first met,
You appeared out of nowhere like a trap net,
Just spontaneously you appeared out of nowhere,
Since you came we had become inseparable as a pair,
At first all we ever did together was fight,
Wishing that the other one of us would get out of sight,
However that would change over time,
As you became more pleasant like the sound of a window chyme,
You would point out all of my mistakes,
And I would try to help you with all your heartaches,
As days went by we began to develop feelings for each other,
I thought that those feelings would always keep us together,
But I couldn't get past something in you,
It was a door to someone but I didn't know who,
Though I tried to help you with past relationships you had,
You wouldn't tell me anything about it which made me sad,
I felt as though I were helpless,
Because I couldn't help rid yourself of your sadness,
But it seems it was more than I could understand,
I couldn't pry deeper, that was something I couldn't demand,
It seems like you've blamed yourself for his death,
As you saw him die slowly while he was taking his last breath,
It must be painful to remember that time and space,
Of such a painful memory that you did your best to erase,
But I guess you need more time to heal,
To rid yourself of all the pain you still feel,
I know that you'll be gone,
But I will always be waiting every dawn,
For your safe return to me,
So I can see you happy as it should be,
Don't worry how I will be,
I'll be fine knowing that you'll come back to me,
However you still left without a goodbye,
But then again I know you'll come back without saying hi,

The End

Rejection

I've just been turned down,

The person who I loved has given me a permanent frown,

I did my best to impress her,

I showed my feelings to her who I considered my lover,

Now shes given me great pain,

Now I'm drowning in eternal rain,

Of the sadness which fills my heart,

Its like my heart has been pinned down by a dart,

Leaving it to overflow with sadness,

Filling it up until there is no more happiness,

I guess I couldn't be with her my first love,

I guess I will only be the ugly duckling, while her being the beautiful white dove,

Maybe I thought I was more than I was to be,

Maybe I thought I was as big as the seven blue seas,

In the end I didn't stack up to the others,

Friends who I was really close with which I considered brothers,

We all liked that one girl,

To us she was our whole world,

She was kind and gentle to each and everyone of us,

She'd be able to stop us getting into a fuss,

She was that kind of girl, the one that you meet once in a lifetime,

A girl that will never be forgotten or misplaced in my mind,

I do my best to look happy in her presence,

Though I still long for her essence,

I hide the pain that I still feel,

Hoping that one day it will heal,

Until that time I will support her and my best friend,

Until the three of us will meet our end,

The End

Where Do I Belong?

Do I belong at this place?

Am I supposed to be here at this time and space?

For these questions I know no answer,

Not knowing an answer pains me harder and harder,

I've searced year by year for people to accept me,

Sometimes just sitting and waiting under a tree,

Observing, waiting for someone to ease my pain,

Someone to be there always, and not betray my trust and send it down the drain,

But now I think i've found a place where I belong,

A place where I can be me, a place where I can feel strong,

But I haven't been there long enough to be certain,

If this is the place for me to stay in,

So until I'm sure I belong,

I need to wait and hold on,

So that I know i'm supposed to be here,

So I won't have to go through all the pain and shed another tear,

The End

You In The Sky

Why did you have to die?

Why is it that when you left me I couldn't cry?

Why couldn't I be there for you?

Why didn't you tell me that you knew?

That you were going to die,

Were you really planning to go without saying goodbye?

Did you want to spare me the feeling of helplessness?

And just spend the rest of your time with me in happiness?

Did you want to spend the rest of your time with just me?

Day by day just sitting under and old oak tree?

Just admiring the birds in the big blue wonderful sky,

Just imagining and wondering how they could get up so high,

You were always dreaming of flying up there,

So much that you brought me to high places which gave me a scare,

Yet you knew you could never go there,

Because of your illness which you wouldn't share,

Yet in the end you did achieve your dream,

As impossible and improbable as it may seem,

But I do know that I saw you go fly with your last breath,

Though it took you all of your strength to fend off death,

You were still able to do it,

Because of your strong will and spirit,

So now I think I know why I couldn't cry,

Because when I look for you I know you'll be up there in the sky,

The End

Empty

Why am I empty inside?

What is it that the pain I feel hide?

I dig and dig but nothing is to be found?

I give up and I just wanna fall to the ground,

Nothing is inside me,

Nothing but emptiness as far as I can see,

I've searched everyday for a reason,

I've searched day by day, season by season,

Still I find nothing,

I still can't find anything,

Everyday I put on a fake smile,

Now all my sadness has built up into a pile,

Everyday all I feel is pain,

All I do ends up being in vain,

I am broken,

Trueer words were never spoken,

Why can't I be fixed,

Why is my mind confused and mixed?

Should I just die?

Without a farewell or goodbye?

All I do is ask,

And hide my feelings behind a mask,

I still don't know why I'm empty inside,

Or what my confusion and pain is trying to hide,

The End

How Do I Say Sorry?

How do I say sorry?

How can I say it while having my pride and glory?

Why is it so hard for me?

Why is not saying it painful to me?

Why do I go to tears thinking about it?

Why does it destroy my happniess and spirit?

Can someone tell me what I should do?

Should I have said sorry earlier which I knew,

Why did I have to say something so irresponsible?

Why couldn't I think things through which would be sensible?

Why am I ignorant to the feelings of others?

Why is it that when I look at people its like looking at shutters?

Why can't I see who I give pain to?

Why did I say it to someone who I was close to?

Why don't I learn from my mistakes?

Everytime I hurt them a piece of my heart breaks,

So why can't I say sorry?

Why can't I say it with my pride and glory?

The End

How Do I Say Sorry?

How do I say sorry?

How can I say it while having my pride and glory?

Why is it so hard for me?

Why is not saying it painful to me?

Why do I go to tears thinking about it?

Why does it destroy my happniess and spirit?

Can someone tell me what I should do?

Should I have said sorry earlier which I knew,

Why did I have to say something so irresponsible?

Why couldn't I think things through which would be sensible?

Why Am I ignorant to the feelings of others?

Why is it that when I look at people its like looking at shutters?

Why can't I see who I give pain to?

Why did I say it to someone who I was close to?

Why don't I learn from my mistakes?

Everytime I hurt them a piece of my heart breaks,

So why can't I say sorry?

Why can't I say it with my pride and glory?

The End

Bright Shadow

Someone stands in the shadows,

Just being the guy that nobody knows,

Always outside the circle,

Always wishing for a miracle,

That someone will notice him,

And that they will bring him in,

This person knows hes got a shot,

To be part of the group and not just fill in an empty spot,

He wants to be noticed,

He doesn't want to be on the short list,

Of the people that are forgotten about,

Of the people that don't get a chance to speak out,

But this is his deepest fear,

To be out there alone instead of over here,

To be alone is death to him,

If no one comes he would gladly die on a whim,

That person is truly sad,

But whats strange is that he isn't mad,

At the world for shunning him,

Instead he is always hoping that someone will come to be with him,

He is the one and only person that I will ever truly envy

Because when someone comes to him he will be happier than i will ever be,

He has a strong spirit,

Someday someone will pass by and notice it,

Until that day ever comes he will be willing to wait,

No matter how much pain he feels his spirit and determination will never break,

The End

Now that I've had the pleasure of sharing these poems with you, I've also re-read them all. They really are laughable to me now. I wrote these 3-4 years ago so back then I was about 14 to 15 years old. By giving you my age then you can probably guess that I am currently 18. Looking back at my early teen years I really was a depressed little boy (not that I'm much better now) but I was feeling rather hopeless back then. Now though I am a bit more mature and not such a whiny child. Still I have to thank that whiny side of me for pushing me forward with writing poetry.

I shall post more recent work as I get through my small collection. As of now I have posted up 7 of the 21 poems (33.3%) so in my next post maybe I'll share another 7.

A Simple Urge

Hello all,

Now I've been thinking about doing a blog for quite a while now not only just to express myself but also to get some exposure for some of my writing. Now I for one know my writing itself is pretty amateurish and no where near as good as I possibly could make it however I still want it out there to be read. Now enough about that here is the earliest example of my attempts at writing poetry way back in my grade 9 year. Its quite old and unedited so this came straight from my head.

Most Beloved

In time this wound of mine will heal,
But what time can't erase is the pain I feel.
Ever since that day I've longed for your touch
Because I have thought of nothing but you so very much.
The first time we met,
All those events were set.
But I could never think of us as a couple,
All I could think about was me being a trouble.
To everyone you were the image of perfection,
And me being with you seemed like it needed a correction.
You were my most beloved
And to you I became devoted.
The feelings we shared
Could have never been compared.
I left you so you could find true happiness,
But my absence from you only left a hole filled with sadness.
To you I became so much more than a friend,
Till the day your time with me was at an end.
The short time we were able to have spent
Has now truly gone and went.
Everything you were to me is gone.
For your heart was something that I couldn't have won.
I was so weak,
But My heart was something you would always seek.
I made you wait for too long
While our tale played out like a sad song.
There was a wall between you and me,
So vast as the great blue sea.
And in the end I left you in the darkness
Because of my shear weakness.
You would never know my feelings for you
And so for all my faults this relationship can never start anew.
We parted ways in much pain
On a sad day when it began to rain.
This is what time can never truly heal.
The loss of a loved one is something I will always feel.
My Most Beloved.......................

The End

Hopefully you enjoyed what you read but I know first hand that it does sound corny. I'll admit that even I laughed while re-reading this poem. Still many of my friends enjoyed it and I'm happy they did. It was a nice feeling knowing that something I wrote made a few people happy and I can only hope it did the same for you.

Anyways that is it for now and I will be sure to upload more of my work (hopefully in chronological order).