Follow Up

Just as a follow up to my first blog here I have for all of you a batch of poems I wrote a few years back (all unedited and in their original form). Looking back now at all of my work (about 21 poems or so, not a lot), there are a lot of re-used/re-occurring ideas and themes. Whether you would like to say I'm unoriginal or that I'm not as creative I really don't mind. I know it myself and even though I feel like expanding on what I write about I just love to go back to my old ideas and try to write about them in different situations. Well enough of my self-bashing? (I'm pretty sure I just bashed myself but oh well) here to you I present the second poem I wrote.

Leaving Me

You left without a goodbye,
But the again you appeared to me without a hi,
At first glance you weren't special to me,
As time went by you became more than I thought you to be,
It was strange how we first met,
You appeared out of nowhere like a trap net,
Just spontaneously you appeared out of nowhere,
Since you came we had become inseparable as a pair,
At first all we ever did together was fight,
Wishing that the other one of us would get out of sight,
However that would change over time,
As you became more pleasant like the sound of a window chyme,
You would point out all of my mistakes,
And I would try to help you with all your heartaches,
As days went by we began to develop feelings for each other,
I thought that those feelings would always keep us together,
But I couldn't get past something in you,
It was a door to someone but I didn't know who,
Though I tried to help you with past relationships you had,
You wouldn't tell me anything about it which made me sad,
I felt as though I were helpless,
Because I couldn't help rid yourself of your sadness,
But it seems it was more than I could understand,
I couldn't pry deeper, that was something I couldn't demand,
It seems like you've blamed yourself for his death,
As you saw him die slowly while he was taking his last breath,
It must be painful to remember that time and space,
Of such a painful memory that you did your best to erase,
But I guess you need more time to heal,
To rid yourself of all the pain you still feel,
I know that you'll be gone,
But I will always be waiting every dawn,
For your safe return to me,
So I can see you happy as it should be,
Don't worry how I will be,
I'll be fine knowing that you'll come back to me,
However you still left without a goodbye,
But then again I know you'll come back without saying hi,

The End

Rejection

I've just been turned down,

The person who I loved has given me a permanent frown,

I did my best to impress her,

I showed my feelings to her who I considered my lover,

Now shes given me great pain,

Now I'm drowning in eternal rain,

Of the sadness which fills my heart,

Its like my heart has been pinned down by a dart,

Leaving it to overflow with sadness,

Filling it up until there is no more happiness,

I guess I couldn't be with her my first love,

I guess I will only be the ugly duckling, while her being the beautiful white dove,

Maybe I thought I was more than I was to be,

Maybe I thought I was as big as the seven blue seas,

In the end I didn't stack up to the others,

Friends who I was really close with which I considered brothers,

We all liked that one girl,

To us she was our whole world,

She was kind and gentle to each and everyone of us,

She'd be able to stop us getting into a fuss,

She was that kind of girl, the one that you meet once in a lifetime,

A girl that will never be forgotten or misplaced in my mind,

I do my best to look happy in her presence,

Though I still long for her essence,

I hide the pain that I still feel,

Hoping that one day it will heal,

Until that time I will support her and my best friend,

Until the three of us will meet our end,

The End

Where Do I Belong?

Do I belong at this place?

Am I supposed to be here at this time and space?

For these questions I know no answer,

Not knowing an answer pains me harder and harder,

I've searced year by year for people to accept me,

Sometimes just sitting and waiting under a tree,

Observing, waiting for someone to ease my pain,

Someone to be there always, and not betray my trust and send it down the drain,

But now I think i've found a place where I belong,

A place where I can be me, a place where I can feel strong,

But I haven't been there long enough to be certain,

If this is the place for me to stay in,

So until I'm sure I belong,

I need to wait and hold on,

So that I know i'm supposed to be here,

So I won't have to go through all the pain and shed another tear,

The End

You In The Sky

Why did you have to die?

Why is it that when you left me I couldn't cry?

Why couldn't I be there for you?

Why didn't you tell me that you knew?

That you were going to die,

Were you really planning to go without saying goodbye?

Did you want to spare me the feeling of helplessness?

And just spend the rest of your time with me in happiness?

Did you want to spend the rest of your time with just me?

Day by day just sitting under and old oak tree?

Just admiring the birds in the big blue wonderful sky,

Just imagining and wondering how they could get up so high,

You were always dreaming of flying up there,

So much that you brought me to high places which gave me a scare,

Yet you knew you could never go there,

Because of your illness which you wouldn't share,

Yet in the end you did achieve your dream,

As impossible and improbable as it may seem,

But I do know that I saw you go fly with your last breath,

Though it took you all of your strength to fend off death,

You were still able to do it,

Because of your strong will and spirit,

So now I think I know why I couldn't cry,

Because when I look for you I know you'll be up there in the sky,

The End

Empty

Why am I empty inside?

What is it that the pain I feel hide?

I dig and dig but nothing is to be found?

I give up and I just wanna fall to the ground,

Nothing is inside me,

Nothing but emptiness as far as I can see,

I've searched everyday for a reason,

I've searched day by day, season by season,

Still I find nothing,

I still can't find anything,

Everyday I put on a fake smile,

Now all my sadness has built up into a pile,

Everyday all I feel is pain,

All I do ends up being in vain,

I am broken,

Trueer words were never spoken,

Why can't I be fixed,

Why is my mind confused and mixed?

Should I just die?

Without a farewell or goodbye?

All I do is ask,

And hide my feelings behind a mask,

I still don't know why I'm empty inside,

Or what my confusion and pain is trying to hide,

The End

How Do I Say Sorry?

How do I say sorry?

How can I say it while having my pride and glory?

Why is it so hard for me?

Why is not saying it painful to me?

Why do I go to tears thinking about it?

Why does it destroy my happniess and spirit?

Can someone tell me what I should do?

Should I have said sorry earlier which I knew,

Why did I have to say something so irresponsible?

Why couldn't I think things through which would be sensible?

Why am I ignorant to the feelings of others?

Why is it that when I look at people its like looking at shutters?

Why can't I see who I give pain to?

Why did I say it to someone who I was close to?

Why don't I learn from my mistakes?

Everytime I hurt them a piece of my heart breaks,

So why can't I say sorry?

Why can't I say it with my pride and glory?

The End

How Do I Say Sorry?

How do I say sorry?

How can I say it while having my pride and glory?

Why is it so hard for me?

Why is not saying it painful to me?

Why do I go to tears thinking about it?

Why does it destroy my happniess and spirit?

Can someone tell me what I should do?

Should I have said sorry earlier which I knew,

Why did I have to say something so irresponsible?

Why couldn't I think things through which would be sensible?

Why Am I ignorant to the feelings of others?

Why is it that when I look at people its like looking at shutters?

Why can't I see who I give pain to?

Why did I say it to someone who I was close to?

Why don't I learn from my mistakes?

Everytime I hurt them a piece of my heart breaks,

So why can't I say sorry?

Why can't I say it with my pride and glory?

The End

Bright Shadow

Someone stands in the shadows,

Just being the guy that nobody knows,

Always outside the circle,

Always wishing for a miracle,

That someone will notice him,

And that they will bring him in,

This person knows hes got a shot,

To be part of the group and not just fill in an empty spot,

He wants to be noticed,

He doesn't want to be on the short list,

Of the people that are forgotten about,

Of the people that don't get a chance to speak out,

But this is his deepest fear,

To be out there alone instead of over here,

To be alone is death to him,

If no one comes he would gladly die on a whim,

That person is truly sad,

But whats strange is that he isn't mad,

At the world for shunning him,

Instead he is always hoping that someone will come to be with him,

He is the one and only person that I will ever truly envy

Because when someone comes to him he will be happier than i will ever be,

He has a strong spirit,

Someday someone will pass by and notice it,

Until that day ever comes he will be willing to wait,

No matter how much pain he feels his spirit and determination will never break,

The End

Now that I've had the pleasure of sharing these poems with you, I've also re-read them all. They really are laughable to me now. I wrote these 3-4 years ago so back then I was about 14 to 15 years old. By giving you my age then you can probably guess that I am currently 18. Looking back at my early teen years I really was a depressed little boy (not that I'm much better now) but I was feeling rather hopeless back then. Now though I am a bit more mature and not such a whiny child. Still I have to thank that whiny side of me for pushing me forward with writing poetry.

I shall post more recent work as I get through my small collection. As of now I have posted up 7 of the 21 poems (33.3%) so in my next post maybe I'll share another 7.