note : the * is an indication to tell readers that the perspective of the story has switched to another character.
But then, he's always been like this. In all the years I've known him, I can honestly say, with one hundred percent certainty, that he viewed me as his only true friend. It wasn't like he didn't get along with other people, in fact you would think the opposite. There was no person he couldn't talk to, somehow, someway there would always be something he could talk to you about. But deep down, I could tell that despite being seemingly extroverted, he never really let himself become attached to anybody but me.
Many people who know him would refute what I say because he has shared personal problems with them, but does that really mean he's attached himself to them? I think not. Because as easily as he could talk to anyone about his own personal problems, he could easily move on and find someone else to talk to once that person could no longer fill the need of an open ear. And he knew this too. He found this habit of his to be very parasitic and this disgusted him, but his emotional needs quickly overrode any feelings of guilt within his conscience.
You might wonder then, how is it I know I myself am not like any of these other people who he simply moved on from and my answer would be simple, because once he ran out of people he could talk to, he would find his way back to speaking to me. And despite the personal guilt he felt from all the problems he laid down on me, I would embrace him and try to comfort him.
There is no other person I have known longer than him, and as his best friend I will always be there for him. He knows this, but he hasn't fully understood this fact.
*
My ego, it torments me this very minute. Oh how I knew that this torment would come to be once I fed it and yet... I chose to feed it anyway. Why you might ask did I let this happen? Hope, that is my answer. Despite overwhelming odds against me and knowing the realistic possibilities of what I set out to do, I still chose to do so all because of hope. What hope can do for a poor person like me is limitless. Hope filled my head with dreams, fantasies and fleeting moments of happiness.
Through all this, there was a voice in the back of my head telling me where this winding path would lead to and that I did not want to be there. But I chose to ignore this voice and instead I intoxicated my ego with illusions and fantasies until my mind was numb from the happiness that made my heart race.
But now, reality has set in. I can no longer conjure up those dreams and fantasies anymore and my ego is starving. As it starves it releases its negative waste on my mind as sickening, depressing thoughts begin to swell and warp my mind. With no hope in sight, I now fight a losing battle in my mind as the negative thoughts become overwhelming. I know I need to let it out, but I have no one I can turn to.
That is a lie. I do have one person I can turn to, but I do not wish to turn to him unless I can find no one else. I have always turned to him with my problems when no one else was there and I fear that turning to him once again will only annoy him and push him away from me. I cannot afford that to happen. He is my best friend, my only friend and I value his friendship too much to lose it.
There is no one I can talk to, but as my problem consumes my every thought I become painfully aware of the reason of why things have turned out like this. It's a sad joke, being able to comprehend how one thing led to another, and why this affects that, but then not being able to solve that very same problem. It's a joke really, how this circumstance that seemed so complex was, in reality, nothing more than a problem spawned from a simple desire. And that desire is to be loved.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Tranformers: Rewritten
I've written this mainly because I've seen Revenge of the Fallen now 4 times and am extremely annoyed by the shoddy writing which leaves many inconsistencies with the 1st film.
Far off in a distant galaxy a planet, now known as "Cybertron", is engulfed in an energy blast emanating from a giant cube like relic covered in ancient markings. Seven sentient mechanical beings emerge from the resulting energy blast. These seven beings are what we now call the original "Primes". The seven beings begin their study of the cube, which they have named the "All Spark" and from their studies they learn how to manipulate the energy of the cube, which they call "energon", and eventually begin recording their history within the cube's energies. From here they name themselves, the "Autobots". Thus they begin their work to replicate and reproduce their race.
In the years that followed the "Autobots" flourished and prospered on their home world of "Cybertron" but as with all races, the prosperity and peace did not last. As the population of their race grew the demand for "energon", for which the "Autobots" needed to survive, could not be fulfilled through the energies of the "All Spark" and thus the seven "Primes" began to search out for new sources of "energon". It is here that they look towards the stars of the universe for their new source of "energon". The "Primes" develop a machine that is able to convert a stars into "All Spark" like cubes; however, these artificial "All Spark" cubes could not last as long, nor could they support, as many "Autobots" as the "Primes" has desired and so the need to search out more stars suitable enough for the "Autobots" began. It is here that the "Primes" issued the directive to not convert stars with which nearby planets contained life.
Over time, the "Autobots" began to encounter more and more star systems that contained life and the list of nearby stars without life dwindled as the demand for "energon" only increased. From here the seven "Primes" decide to send out and expeditionary force to find distant stars for more "energon". One "Prime" and a contingent of "Autobots" would be sent to a distant system to find "energon". A "Prime" is selected and he along with a contingent of "Autobots" set out on their journey only to find more and more systems with planets inhabited by life. As the "Prime" receives word that more and more "Autobots" back on "Cybertron" are beginning to suffer from the "energon" shortages, he decides to break the "Prime Directive" of never converting the energy of a sun with which it has a planet filled with life.
The "Prime" and his "Autobot" contingency land on the planet "Earth" where he constructs the "energon" conversion machine. Here he demands for total obedience from his contingent of "Autobots" as he explains his justification for breaking the "Prime Directive". It was either these primitive "humans" or their "Autobot" brethren back on Cybertron. All the "Autobots" agree on a pact of secrecy for this action, except one. This "Autobot's" name was "Jetfire" and he sets out to return to "Cybertron" to report this breaking of the "Prime Directive".
"Jetfire" returns to "Cybertron" and alerts the six other "Primes" of the 7th's betrayal. They now label him the "Fallen". The six "Primes" establish an army to confront The "Fallen" and his contingent of "Autobot" followers.
"Jetfire", the six "Primes" and their army arrive on earth to confront the "Fallen" and his followers and a great war ensues. Shocked at the betrayal of "Jetfire" the "Fallen" pursues him first during the battle and manages to imprison him within the Earth's surface along with the "Matrix of Leadership". However, things are not great for the "Fallen" and his forces as they are greatly outnumbered by the Primes and their forces. The "Fallen" and his forces are eventually subdued and are returned to "Cybertron" to face trial for their crime of breaking the "Prime Directive".
The "Fallen" is exiled and imprisoned on an asteroid and left to drift forever through space while his surviving followers are imprisoned, shut down and buried throughout "Cybertron".
During the post-"Fallen" years the six "Primes" develop a machine that amplifies the "All Sparks" energies thus providing ample energy for the population of "Cybertron"
From there the six remaining "Primes" decide that now is the time to let the new generation of Autobots, their direct descendants, to lead as they themselves set off on their own journey search out the origins of the "All Spark". Originally two candidates were chosen prior to their activation. The first candidate was "Optimus", the direct descendant of the first "Prime". The second candidate was "Megatron", the direct descendant of the "Fallen". The six "Primes" fearing the potential that "Megatron" may one day set out to free his imprisoned ancestor and so they choose "Optimus" to be the future leader of the "Autobots".
Upon their activation "Megatron" and other fellow descendants of the "Fallen" become segregated from the rest of the "Autobot" population. "Megatron" and his brethren are given false reasons for their segregation and are treated poorly by the previous generation of "Autobots". "Optimus" sees these actions as unjust towards "Megatron" and his brethren as they themselves have not done anything wrong. As such "Optimus" attempts to bridge the gap between the segregated cultures and appoints "Megatron" as the high protector of the "All Spark". Despite this new appointment many of the older generation do not look favourably upon "Megatron" clearly favour "Optimus Prime". This causes "Megatron" to resent "Optimus Prime".
It is after this appointment that "Megatron" experiences visions of a transformer imprisoned on an asteroid. "Megatron" sets out to search for this mysterious transformer and eventually is guided towards him. He discovers that the transformer is none other than his ancestor, the "Fallen". Here, the "Fallen" enlightens "Megatron" of how the six "Primes" betrayed him and his descendants and how he was justified in breaking the "Prime Directive". Enraged at this revelation "Megatron" vows to return to "Cybertron" to rally his brethren, overthrow "Optimus Prime" and his "Autobot" comrades and return with the "All Spark" to resurrect the weakened "Fallen". Here he renames himself and his brethren the "Decepticons" as they have been deceived.
"Megatron" and his "Decepticon" forces begin their violent uprising coercing other "Autobots" to either join them or die. "Optimus Prime" musters what forces he can, but the "Decepticons" have already gained control of a large portion of "Cybertron" and are struggling to maintain control of what they have left. "Optimus Prime" knows that the target is the "All Spark" and hides the "All Spark" in a concealed facility. He leaves one of his most trusted commanders in "Bumblebee" along with a small force to guard the facility so as to give the impression that the facility is unimportant. This is meant to buy the "Autobots" enough time to send the "All Spark" into space so as to draw the war away from the planet which has been ravaged by the war.
However, this masquerade fails and "Megatron" becomes aware of the "All Spark's" location and launches his forces to assault the facility. "Bumblebee" and his small force valiantly fight until the very end and are successful in holding the "Decepticons" off until the "All Spark" is launched. "Bumblebee" is severely damaged in the battle as he himself took on "Megatron". "Optimus Prime" and reinforcements arrive on the scene to find "Bumblebee" as the only survivor.
By this time "Megatron" and his "Decepticon" forces abandon the war torn planet and establish a new base on the asteroid where the "Fallen" has been imprisoned. "Megatron" himself leaves ahead of the other "Decepticons" to pursue the "All Spark" and discovers that it has been sent to the planet "Earth". "Megatron" pursues it fanatically and winds up crash landing in the polar ice cap leaving him in a frozen prison until his discovery by "Captain Witwicky" near the end of the 19th century.
Far off in a distant galaxy a planet, now known as "Cybertron", is engulfed in an energy blast emanating from a giant cube like relic covered in ancient markings. Seven sentient mechanical beings emerge from the resulting energy blast. These seven beings are what we now call the original "Primes". The seven beings begin their study of the cube, which they have named the "All Spark" and from their studies they learn how to manipulate the energy of the cube, which they call "energon", and eventually begin recording their history within the cube's energies. From here they name themselves, the "Autobots". Thus they begin their work to replicate and reproduce their race.
In the years that followed the "Autobots" flourished and prospered on their home world of "Cybertron" but as with all races, the prosperity and peace did not last. As the population of their race grew the demand for "energon", for which the "Autobots" needed to survive, could not be fulfilled through the energies of the "All Spark" and thus the seven "Primes" began to search out for new sources of "energon". It is here that they look towards the stars of the universe for their new source of "energon". The "Primes" develop a machine that is able to convert a stars into "All Spark" like cubes; however, these artificial "All Spark" cubes could not last as long, nor could they support, as many "Autobots" as the "Primes" has desired and so the need to search out more stars suitable enough for the "Autobots" began. It is here that the "Primes" issued the directive to not convert stars with which nearby planets contained life.
Over time, the "Autobots" began to encounter more and more star systems that contained life and the list of nearby stars without life dwindled as the demand for "energon" only increased. From here the seven "Primes" decide to send out and expeditionary force to find distant stars for more "energon". One "Prime" and a contingent of "Autobots" would be sent to a distant system to find "energon". A "Prime" is selected and he along with a contingent of "Autobots" set out on their journey only to find more and more systems with planets inhabited by life. As the "Prime" receives word that more and more "Autobots" back on "Cybertron" are beginning to suffer from the "energon" shortages, he decides to break the "Prime Directive" of never converting the energy of a sun with which it has a planet filled with life.
The "Prime" and his "Autobot" contingency land on the planet "Earth" where he constructs the "energon" conversion machine. Here he demands for total obedience from his contingent of "Autobots" as he explains his justification for breaking the "Prime Directive". It was either these primitive "humans" or their "Autobot" brethren back on Cybertron. All the "Autobots" agree on a pact of secrecy for this action, except one. This "Autobot's" name was "Jetfire" and he sets out to return to "Cybertron" to report this breaking of the "Prime Directive".
"Jetfire" returns to "Cybertron" and alerts the six other "Primes" of the 7th's betrayal. They now label him the "Fallen". The six "Primes" establish an army to confront The "Fallen" and his contingent of "Autobot" followers.
"Jetfire", the six "Primes" and their army arrive on earth to confront the "Fallen" and his followers and a great war ensues. Shocked at the betrayal of "Jetfire" the "Fallen" pursues him first during the battle and manages to imprison him within the Earth's surface along with the "Matrix of Leadership". However, things are not great for the "Fallen" and his forces as they are greatly outnumbered by the Primes and their forces. The "Fallen" and his forces are eventually subdued and are returned to "Cybertron" to face trial for their crime of breaking the "Prime Directive".
The "Fallen" is exiled and imprisoned on an asteroid and left to drift forever through space while his surviving followers are imprisoned, shut down and buried throughout "Cybertron".
During the post-"Fallen" years the six "Primes" develop a machine that amplifies the "All Sparks" energies thus providing ample energy for the population of "Cybertron"
From there the six remaining "Primes" decide that now is the time to let the new generation of Autobots, their direct descendants, to lead as they themselves set off on their own journey search out the origins of the "All Spark". Originally two candidates were chosen prior to their activation. The first candidate was "Optimus", the direct descendant of the first "Prime". The second candidate was "Megatron", the direct descendant of the "Fallen". The six "Primes" fearing the potential that "Megatron" may one day set out to free his imprisoned ancestor and so they choose "Optimus" to be the future leader of the "Autobots".
Upon their activation "Megatron" and other fellow descendants of the "Fallen" become segregated from the rest of the "Autobot" population. "Megatron" and his brethren are given false reasons for their segregation and are treated poorly by the previous generation of "Autobots". "Optimus" sees these actions as unjust towards "Megatron" and his brethren as they themselves have not done anything wrong. As such "Optimus" attempts to bridge the gap between the segregated cultures and appoints "Megatron" as the high protector of the "All Spark". Despite this new appointment many of the older generation do not look favourably upon "Megatron" clearly favour "Optimus Prime". This causes "Megatron" to resent "Optimus Prime".
It is after this appointment that "Megatron" experiences visions of a transformer imprisoned on an asteroid. "Megatron" sets out to search for this mysterious transformer and eventually is guided towards him. He discovers that the transformer is none other than his ancestor, the "Fallen". Here, the "Fallen" enlightens "Megatron" of how the six "Primes" betrayed him and his descendants and how he was justified in breaking the "Prime Directive". Enraged at this revelation "Megatron" vows to return to "Cybertron" to rally his brethren, overthrow "Optimus Prime" and his "Autobot" comrades and return with the "All Spark" to resurrect the weakened "Fallen". Here he renames himself and his brethren the "Decepticons" as they have been deceived.
"Megatron" and his "Decepticon" forces begin their violent uprising coercing other "Autobots" to either join them or die. "Optimus Prime" musters what forces he can, but the "Decepticons" have already gained control of a large portion of "Cybertron" and are struggling to maintain control of what they have left. "Optimus Prime" knows that the target is the "All Spark" and hides the "All Spark" in a concealed facility. He leaves one of his most trusted commanders in "Bumblebee" along with a small force to guard the facility so as to give the impression that the facility is unimportant. This is meant to buy the "Autobots" enough time to send the "All Spark" into space so as to draw the war away from the planet which has been ravaged by the war.
However, this masquerade fails and "Megatron" becomes aware of the "All Spark's" location and launches his forces to assault the facility. "Bumblebee" and his small force valiantly fight until the very end and are successful in holding the "Decepticons" off until the "All Spark" is launched. "Bumblebee" is severely damaged in the battle as he himself took on "Megatron". "Optimus Prime" and reinforcements arrive on the scene to find "Bumblebee" as the only survivor.
By this time "Megatron" and his "Decepticon" forces abandon the war torn planet and establish a new base on the asteroid where the "Fallen" has been imprisoned. "Megatron" himself leaves ahead of the other "Decepticons" to pursue the "All Spark" and discovers that it has been sent to the planet "Earth". "Megatron" pursues it fanatically and winds up crash landing in the polar ice cap leaving him in a frozen prison until his discovery by "Captain Witwicky" near the end of the 19th century.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Monday, October 26, 2009
Quick Quotes
"You fall in love with body parts, I connect mentally,
With my female counterpart before we bound physically,"
With my female counterpart before we bound physically,"
Sunday, October 25, 2009
I'm So Weak
My inspiration for this poem came from Beau Sia's "I'm So Deep"
I'm so weak that I can't do 5 straight push ups
I'm so weak that any girl in this audience can probably beat me in arm wrestling
I'm so weak that I have to take a breather after eating
I'm so weak that walking to the bus stop gets me drenched in sweat
I'm so weak because of well... my broken leg
I'm so weak that I'm using my leg as an excuse
I'm so weak that traveling around this city is exhausting
I'm so weak that I give up on a project before I even start
I'm so weak that I lose all focus or thoughts of school as soon as I leave the building
I'm so weak that I rely on friends to decide where I want to go
I'm so weak that I took the easy way out of finishing high school
I'm so weak that I give in to an impulse merely because I have enough cash
I'm so weak that I don't stand up for myself
I'm so weak that I use poetry to voice my thoughts
I'm so weak that I'm probably trembling in the inside
I'm so weak that I take even compliments as insults
I'm so weak that I'll probably rush off stage after I'm done
I'm so weak that I realize my own faults but don't do anything about them
I'm so weak that this poem is merely a variation of I'm So Deep
I'm so weak that I couldn't think of a proper ending to this poem
And there you have it, I'll probably add more to it once I think of more stuff.
I'm so weak that I can't do 5 straight push ups
I'm so weak that any girl in this audience can probably beat me in arm wrestling
I'm so weak that I have to take a breather after eating
I'm so weak that walking to the bus stop gets me drenched in sweat
I'm so weak because of well... my broken leg
I'm so weak that I'm using my leg as an excuse
I'm so weak that traveling around this city is exhausting
I'm so weak that I give up on a project before I even start
I'm so weak that I lose all focus or thoughts of school as soon as I leave the building
I'm so weak that I rely on friends to decide where I want to go
I'm so weak that I took the easy way out of finishing high school
I'm so weak that I give in to an impulse merely because I have enough cash
I'm so weak that I don't stand up for myself
I'm so weak that I use poetry to voice my thoughts
I'm so weak that I'm probably trembling in the inside
I'm so weak that I take even compliments as insults
I'm so weak that I'll probably rush off stage after I'm done
I'm so weak that I realize my own faults but don't do anything about them
I'm so weak that this poem is merely a variation of I'm So Deep
I'm so weak that I couldn't think of a proper ending to this poem
And there you have it, I'll probably add more to it once I think of more stuff.
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Beau Sia
Simply put, I love this guy and I wouldn't say he's inspired any of my works but he inspires me to keep going at poetry and try and diversify my work.
Boredom Visualized
So this is just to tell people who do read this, that I do have a second blog now focusing on videos that will hopefully entertain you. Check it out, it's called "Boredom Visualized".
Friday, October 23, 2009
Something I've Been Thinking About
Okay so here's the situation:
Suppose it can be determined whether or not someone has permanent amnesia with absolutely no possible way for the person's past memories to return. With that being said the person who has amnesia is no longer the person all those around them remember. The person is completely different and has a different persona, mannerisms and etc. Now with those details out of the way, let's say someone intentionally caused said permanent amnesia. By causing someone to be in that state of permanent amnesia could that person be charged with "murder"?
Now by most definitions murder is defined as taking away a person's life against their will or killing a human being. With the situation above, causing someone to be in a permanent state of amnesia would fall into the category of murder for me. Now for those reading this you may jump out and say that the person suffering amnesia is still alive, but murder is not defined by bodily destruction, mutilation and etc. It is the act of taking away a life or killing a human being, keyword being well, being.
What I'm getting at is that when someone goes through amnesia they are no longer the same person people have memories attributed to the body the person going through amnesia. Bear in mind that this is under the situation that there is permanent amnesia with absolutely NO chance of the memories returning. Thus the person before the amnesia no longer exists and has, for lack of a better word, died. That life can no longer return and is instead replaced by a new persona. Therefore wouldn't the act of putting someone into that permanent state of amnesia be considered, to be in face, "murder"?.
Just a thought that came to my head mind you, but it's an interesting thought don't you agree?
Suppose it can be determined whether or not someone has permanent amnesia with absolutely no possible way for the person's past memories to return. With that being said the person who has amnesia is no longer the person all those around them remember. The person is completely different and has a different persona, mannerisms and etc. Now with those details out of the way, let's say someone intentionally caused said permanent amnesia. By causing someone to be in that state of permanent amnesia could that person be charged with "murder"?
Now by most definitions murder is defined as taking away a person's life against their will or killing a human being. With the situation above, causing someone to be in a permanent state of amnesia would fall into the category of murder for me. Now for those reading this you may jump out and say that the person suffering amnesia is still alive, but murder is not defined by bodily destruction, mutilation and etc. It is the act of taking away a life or killing a human being, keyword being well, being.
What I'm getting at is that when someone goes through amnesia they are no longer the same person people have memories attributed to the body the person going through amnesia. Bear in mind that this is under the situation that there is permanent amnesia with absolutely NO chance of the memories returning. Thus the person before the amnesia no longer exists and has, for lack of a better word, died. That life can no longer return and is instead replaced by a new persona. Therefore wouldn't the act of putting someone into that permanent state of amnesia be considered, to be in face, "murder"?.
Just a thought that came to my head mind you, but it's an interesting thought don't you agree?
Thursday, October 22, 2009
I love these 2
check out their youtube channels for more:
Victor Kim - http://www.youtube.com/user/victorvictorkim
Lydia Paek - http://www.youtube.com/user/JUUKKES
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Short Story Pilot
So this is just a short story pilot idea. Hopefully you all enjoy it.
I once told a friend that love was a lot like playing hangman. A game filled with the unknown, a game where one guess can either complete the picture or leave you out to hang and dry. And now, that very same friend is in front of me, one wrong guess away from losing that metaphorical game. It was already night when he came over to my place after he called saying he needed to talk. As soon as I opened the door to greet him I could already see he was on the verge of breaking down. He came to talk about the girl he had been telling me about for the past while.
There was this girl he fell for and though he knew from past experiences that unless he was sure she felt the same about him, he would merely be repeating the same masochistic routine of blinding himself in a fantasy. He knew what he would be getting himself into and what the consequences would be if he allowed himself to be blinded, and despite knowing how painful it would be on himself should his aspirations fail he chose to go through with it anyways. As he poured out his heart to me about why he chose to do so his voice became hysterical with emotion. I still remember his rhetoric to try and find some comfort and reassurance from me,
"Why?! Why just this once did I even think I had a chance to change something that was bound to happen. I should have faced reality much sooner so that I wouldn't have to go through this pain all over again. Why for her did I think things would be different?!"
Despite this, I could tell he still hung on to some bit of hope and it was heartbreaking to see this happening to him. I really had no idea what to do to comfort him. I had met the girl before and she was really nice, I could tell why he fell for her and for a while even I thought this time would go well for him because whenever I saw them interact they really did click. So to see him here in this state I was really shocked to have him tell me he believed she did not feel the same way about him. All I could do was place my hand on his shoulder as he sat with his head in his arms.
Seeing him like this it really got me to think about him. He was one of the nicest guys I knew, it really was a shock to me to find out just how bad he was with the opposite sex. It's not like he couldn't get along with them or anything. Now that I think about it, it was just that whenever he found a girl he really liked he didn't know how to go about things. But growing up with him it is understandable. To start off with he had low self-esteem and despite having a lot of great qualities he never had the confidence to fully exploit them and so he would always believe there was nothing a girl would like about him. He's wrong though.
I once told a friend that love was a lot like playing hangman. A game filled with the unknown, a game where one guess can either complete the picture or leave you out to hang and dry. And now, that very same friend is in front of me, one wrong guess away from losing that metaphorical game. It was already night when he came over to my place after he called saying he needed to talk. As soon as I opened the door to greet him I could already see he was on the verge of breaking down. He came to talk about the girl he had been telling me about for the past while.
There was this girl he fell for and though he knew from past experiences that unless he was sure she felt the same about him, he would merely be repeating the same masochistic routine of blinding himself in a fantasy. He knew what he would be getting himself into and what the consequences would be if he allowed himself to be blinded, and despite knowing how painful it would be on himself should his aspirations fail he chose to go through with it anyways. As he poured out his heart to me about why he chose to do so his voice became hysterical with emotion. I still remember his rhetoric to try and find some comfort and reassurance from me,
"Why?! Why just this once did I even think I had a chance to change something that was bound to happen. I should have faced reality much sooner so that I wouldn't have to go through this pain all over again. Why for her did I think things would be different?!"
Despite this, I could tell he still hung on to some bit of hope and it was heartbreaking to see this happening to him. I really had no idea what to do to comfort him. I had met the girl before and she was really nice, I could tell why he fell for her and for a while even I thought this time would go well for him because whenever I saw them interact they really did click. So to see him here in this state I was really shocked to have him tell me he believed she did not feel the same way about him. All I could do was place my hand on his shoulder as he sat with his head in his arms.
Seeing him like this it really got me to think about him. He was one of the nicest guys I knew, it really was a shock to me to find out just how bad he was with the opposite sex. It's not like he couldn't get along with them or anything. Now that I think about it, it was just that whenever he found a girl he really liked he didn't know how to go about things. But growing up with him it is understandable. To start off with he had low self-esteem and despite having a lot of great qualities he never had the confidence to fully exploit them and so he would always believe there was nothing a girl would like about him. He's wrong though.
Quick Quotes
"Love is a lot like playing hangman, fun to poke and guess around for the right answer, or you just outright hang yourself to dry"
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
M-PaoWord Poetry - Life Without A Father
Grew up without a father,
Because the bastard didn't care to bother,
About his new son in his life,
Just up and left my mom because she wasn't his wife,
Went back to his home,
And left me all alone,
With my authoritative mother,
Who only knew how to be strict and would always smother,
Me with her own love,
And this is the beginning of a story I rarely speak of,
But this is how I was raised,
One mother, always busy, not time to give her son praise,
I wasn't much to begin with,
But how could I be when I'm a love child to begin with,
This may come off as a shock to you,
But I swear it's all true,
And the six years into my life,
Some man made my mom into his wife,
Not through marriage but through common law,
I now had a stepfather, I should've been in awe,
But the bastard was no different,
Just another man who remained indifferent,
To my needs as a growing boy,
Not once did he solely indulge me, not even with a dollar store toy,
Sure I got some stuff from him like a bike and a jacket,
But there was no love or thought in it,
He got the bike because he could use it,
And then there was the sale when bought my jacket,
No good memories form in my thoughts,
Just a memory of him threatening me to leave me in a parking lot,
Yes that's right, the bastard wanted to leave me there and rot,
Fear traumatizing me and freezing me to the spot,
No the best memory I know,
Just til we jump three years into the snow,
But before that, that memory was way back in grade four,
Now three years later be prepared for what's in store,
Back in a house league playing ball,
Knee bent backwards, took a hard fall,
Pain throbbing in knee,
Lying on the ground in pain, not a sight he cared to see,
No trip to the hospital to see what was wrong,
Just thoughtless words like "it's nothing, you're a boy, you should be strong"
Mother wasn't around to see how thoughtless he was,
Never told her either because that's what a thoughtful son does,
Didn't want any conflict or pain for her,
Because she had someone that could properly support her,
But back to the story set in grade seven,
It was in the dead of winter and my life was far from heaven,
A hyper extended knee with no tools for support,
Raised as an obedient son, so I had no retort,
To demand for help from him,
Walking on an injured leg it was as if hell was where I was in,
Six more years I later I just learned not to care,
Twelve years living under the same roof with no feelings to bare,
I learned to not hate him,
I just became indifferent to him,
It's just every now and then I wonder what it would've been like to have a father,
Someone that cared about me and didn't see me as a bother,
Because I'm scared to be a dad one day,
I wouldn't even know where to begin, what I'd do or say,
But I want to be a father so that I can give something I never had,
Because being raised by only one parent can get really sad,
And now I have nothing more to say,
Just that I found out I was a love child, back on my eighteenth father's day,
Because the bastard didn't care to bother,
About his new son in his life,
Just up and left my mom because she wasn't his wife,
Went back to his home,
And left me all alone,
With my authoritative mother,
Who only knew how to be strict and would always smother,
Me with her own love,
And this is the beginning of a story I rarely speak of,
But this is how I was raised,
One mother, always busy, not time to give her son praise,
I wasn't much to begin with,
But how could I be when I'm a love child to begin with,
This may come off as a shock to you,
But I swear it's all true,
And the six years into my life,
Some man made my mom into his wife,
Not through marriage but through common law,
I now had a stepfather, I should've been in awe,
But the bastard was no different,
Just another man who remained indifferent,
To my needs as a growing boy,
Not once did he solely indulge me, not even with a dollar store toy,
Sure I got some stuff from him like a bike and a jacket,
But there was no love or thought in it,
He got the bike because he could use it,
And then there was the sale when bought my jacket,
No good memories form in my thoughts,
Just a memory of him threatening me to leave me in a parking lot,
Yes that's right, the bastard wanted to leave me there and rot,
Fear traumatizing me and freezing me to the spot,
No the best memory I know,
Just til we jump three years into the snow,
But before that, that memory was way back in grade four,
Now three years later be prepared for what's in store,
Back in a house league playing ball,
Knee bent backwards, took a hard fall,
Pain throbbing in knee,
Lying on the ground in pain, not a sight he cared to see,
No trip to the hospital to see what was wrong,
Just thoughtless words like "it's nothing, you're a boy, you should be strong"
Mother wasn't around to see how thoughtless he was,
Never told her either because that's what a thoughtful son does,
Didn't want any conflict or pain for her,
Because she had someone that could properly support her,
But back to the story set in grade seven,
It was in the dead of winter and my life was far from heaven,
A hyper extended knee with no tools for support,
Raised as an obedient son, so I had no retort,
To demand for help from him,
Walking on an injured leg it was as if hell was where I was in,
Six more years I later I just learned not to care,
Twelve years living under the same roof with no feelings to bare,
I learned to not hate him,
I just became indifferent to him,
It's just every now and then I wonder what it would've been like to have a father,
Someone that cared about me and didn't see me as a bother,
Because I'm scared to be a dad one day,
I wouldn't even know where to begin, what I'd do or say,
But I want to be a father so that I can give something I never had,
Because being raised by only one parent can get really sad,
And now I have nothing more to say,
Just that I found out I was a love child, back on my eighteenth father's day,
Quick Quotes
"It's not the quantity of time you spend with someone, it's the quality time with them that allows you to truly understand them"
Monday, October 19, 2009
M-PaoWord Poetry
I Feel Like A Toilet
You say I'm a nice guy,
But to you, I'm just a toilet,
You say you like listening to my advice,
But really, you're just here to dump your shit,
Just being honest here, but really,
Other than that you have no need for me,
But when that time comes,
All you do is come to dump shit, that or pee,
Because when all you do is tell me your problems
It feels like you're just pissing all over my life,
Placing all your troubles before mine,
It's not like I'm not going through pain or strife,
But that's what a self-centered person does,
And what you deem me, a selfless person, doesn't do,
I'm like, "Hey what's up? How are you doing?",
And you're like, "Oh hey, nothing much. Just here to poo",
I'd like to say I deserve more than that,
Because one day you're going to end up clogging me up,
You'll be bitching and whining about what to do,
And I will take great pleasure in telling you, "Shut the fuck up",
The End
You say I'm a nice guy,
But to you, I'm just a toilet,
You say you like listening to my advice,
But really, you're just here to dump your shit,
Just being honest here, but really,
Other than that you have no need for me,
But when that time comes,
All you do is come to dump shit, that or pee,
Because when all you do is tell me your problems
It feels like you're just pissing all over my life,
Placing all your troubles before mine,
It's not like I'm not going through pain or strife,
But that's what a self-centered person does,
And what you deem me, a selfless person, doesn't do,
I'm like, "Hey what's up? How are you doing?",
And you're like, "Oh hey, nothing much. Just here to poo",
I'd like to say I deserve more than that,
Because one day you're going to end up clogging me up,
You'll be bitching and whining about what to do,
And I will take great pleasure in telling you, "Shut the fuck up",
The End
Quick Quotes for the Dat
"The only thing necessary for evil to flourish is for good men to do nothing" - Edmund Burke
"What your mind doesn't know, your heart fills in" - (It's a quote from a non-recurring character on Stargate SG-1)Sunday, October 18, 2009
A new poem I wrote DURING poetry slam last night. It was such an amazing experience and it got me to write on the spot. It is kind of rough but I hope you enjoy.
What is age? What is age?
It is nothing but a chronological stage,
And just so you know I'm 19,
But what does that really mean?
I really don't know you see,
Throughout my life I've just been me,
You see, I like to act like a child,
It gives some spice to a life that is otherwise mild,
It adds a smile to my day,
Which is more than I can say,
About friends who say they're mature,
But what does it mean to be mature?
I've been given the assumption it's to take responsibility,
But whenever I see criminals go on trial all I hear is, "Not Guilty",
I know it's innocent until proven guilty,
But in my eyes all criminals are cowards to me,
But enough on that before you think I think criminals are fearful pricks,
In reality they really are no better than quarreling kids,
No offense,
I'm just sitting here on a fence,
Observing the world before my eyes,
Taking in what are the truths and picking through the lies,
But back to being a child,
Where my problems don't stack into a pile
It is nothing but a chronological stage,
And just so you know I'm 19,
But what does that really mean?
I really don't know you see,
Throughout my life I've just been me,
You see, I like to act like a child,
It gives some spice to a life that is otherwise mild,
It adds a smile to my day,
Which is more than I can say,
About friends who say they're mature,
But what does it mean to be mature?
I've been given the assumption it's to take responsibility,
But whenever I see criminals go on trial all I hear is, "Not Guilty",
I know it's innocent until proven guilty,
But in my eyes all criminals are cowards to me,
But enough on that before you think I think criminals are fearful pricks,
In reality they really are no better than quarreling kids,
No offense,
I'm just sitting here on a fence,
Observing the world before my eyes,
Taking in what are the truths and picking through the lies,
But back to being a child,
Where my problems don't stack into a pile
Friday, October 16, 2009
I never thought this would happen
So I just feel like writing down something that happened to me on a TTC bus while I was on my way home on October 14th, 2009. If for any reason those who read this don't know, I was struck by a car back on August 2nd, 2009 and so I am still recovering from a broken leg, but that is another story. Back on topic. Anyways, as I got onto the bus (the 34 Eglinton East going to Eglinton Station) I noticed that many of the front seats had already been occupied and that the front was packed with the usual people who do not feel leike moving to the back. So I decided that it would be worse for me to sit down and have other move around in front of me, thus impeding my exit 3 stops from the station and so I stood up. Now as the bus pulls out of Kennedy station and exits onto Eglinton Avenue this middle aged Caucasian woman starts screaming hysterically at the other passengers on the bus. At first I had no idea what she was screaming about but after a few seconds I understood that she was screaming for my sake. She had assumed that no one had offered me a seat as I was standing on the bus with my crutches. However, someone had offered me a seat, but as he was sitting down in front me she would not have been able to see his gesture nor would she have been able to hear his offer. At first I was freaked out because I was the cause for the commotion caused by the woman, but I appreciated her gesture, albeit mishandled on her part. Anyways, she calmed down after a bit, but not before other passengers had retorted with responses to shut up and get off the bus. I was going to apologize to the crowd on the bus for all the commotion but I thought doing so would have insulted the woman who was in earnest just being a kind person.
Anyways that's my story.
Anyways that's my story.
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