M-PaoWord Poetry - Life Without A Father

Grew up without a father,
Because the bastard didn't care to bother,
About his new son in his life,
Just up and left my mom because she wasn't his wife,
Went back to his home,
And left me all alone,
With my authoritative mother,
Who only knew how to be strict and would always smother,
Me with her own love,
And this is the beginning of a story I rarely speak of,
But this is how I was raised,
One mother, always busy, not time to give her son praise,
I wasn't much to begin with,
But how could I be when I'm a love child to begin with,
This may come off as a shock to you,
But I swear it's all true,
And the six years into my life,
Some man made my mom into his wife,
Not through marriage but through common law,
I now had a stepfather, I should've been in awe,
But the bastard was no different,
Just another man who remained indifferent,
To my needs as a growing boy,
Not once did he solely indulge me, not even with a dollar store toy,
Sure I got some stuff from him like a bike and a jacket,
But there was no love or thought in it,
He got the bike because he could use it,
And then there was the sale when bought my jacket,
No good memories form in my thoughts,
Just a memory of him threatening me to leave me in a parking lot,
Yes that's right, the bastard wanted to leave me there and rot,
Fear traumatizing me and freezing me to the spot,
No the best memory I know,
Just til we jump three years into the snow,
But before that, that memory was way back in grade four,
Now three years later be prepared for what's in store,
Back in a house league playing ball,
Knee bent backwards, took a hard fall,
Pain throbbing in knee,
Lying on the ground in pain, not a sight he cared to see,
No trip to the hospital to see what was wrong,
Just thoughtless words like "it's nothing, you're a boy, you should be strong"
Mother wasn't around to see how thoughtless he was,
Never told her either because that's what a thoughtful son does,
Didn't want any conflict or pain for her,
Because she had someone that could properly support her,
But back to the story set in grade seven,
It was in the dead of winter and my life was far from heaven,
A hyper extended knee with no tools for support,
Raised as an obedient son, so I had no retort,
To demand for help from him,
Walking on an injured leg it was as if hell was where I was in,
Six more years I later I just learned not to care,
Twelve years living under the same roof with no feelings to bare,
I learned to not hate him,
I just became indifferent to him,
It's just every now and then I wonder what it would've been like to have a father,
Someone that cared about me and didn't see me as a bother,
Because I'm scared to be a dad one day,
I wouldn't even know where to begin, what I'd do or say,
But I want to be a father so that I can give something I never had,
Because being raised by only one parent can get really sad,
And now I have nothing more to say,
Just that I found out I was a love child, back on my eighteenth father's day,